fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
