All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize