The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
