Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
