My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
