So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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