it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
