I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
