Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
