Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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