Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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