you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
