so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
