your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
