One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
