either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everclear isn't food dammit
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