I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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