are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
