A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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