So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We named our party play list daddy issues
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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