My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
