when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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