I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
