I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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