between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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