I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
