Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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