you guys were way drunker than both of me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
