I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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