He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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