he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
