Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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