fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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