i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
