dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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