I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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