I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Boobs are out for the taking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
