Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
