I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
she looked like the before picture.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you had me at cake vodka
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
