his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
a search helicopter?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
