you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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