you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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