He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize