I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
