If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
