Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
