Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
