It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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