Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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