Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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