It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
