turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize