I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
