I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
