I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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