I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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