go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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