I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
