a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize