i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
