Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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