I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
