When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
its liver damage thursday
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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