Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
