I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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