i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
