Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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