How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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