What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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