Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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