Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
