I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
