You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
