Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize