While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
