i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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