i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
