Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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