I wish I could punch you in the face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
