he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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