I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
