just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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