On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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