All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
