He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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